What Might Have Been
by QueenHimiko
Summary: Decades after Hellmaster was defeated, Zel and Amelia reunite in a chance encounter and wonder what might have been. Set in the novel continuity, but if you've seen NEXT then you know all the important story elements.


The corners of his mouth turned upwards as he noted just how much the citizens of Saillune loved their queen. He watched her fondly as she progressed through them, dressed in layers of silk with her dark hair, now streaked with grey, piled high on her head. Tucked deep within the crowd he knew there was no way she could spot him, and even if she did she likely would not recognize him. Contentedly he watched as they threw flowers and shouted their love to her, bowing deeply as she passed.

He ignored the King Consort riding beside her. But he could not avoid looking at the two princes riding behind her. Both greatly resembled their mother. The Crowned Prince was using the Queen's annual progress to introduce his new wife to the people. They seemed like nice enough kids, and not for the first time Zel wondered what might have been had things been different.

As she rode passed, he was surprised to find that the feelings he had for her were regenerating, as if they were thawing after a long hibernation. He thought he had moved passed them. After all, it had been decades since they last met, yet as he watched her ride away towards the Duke's mansion, he realized they were very much alive.

He took a deep breath as the crowd started to dissipate and he made his way to the local pub, wondering if his next move was wise in light of the onslaught of the emotions welling within him. Still he continued on his course. That he had been in town on the very day that she was scheduled to make her progress on had been sheer accident. Yet something about it also seemed like fate. Leaving now seemed an affront to the forces that be. So he continued to the pub.

He entered the local pub and ordered some whiskey. He took a seat in the middle of the bar. It was nice to not have to hide in a dark corner. As he sipped his drink he watched as people entered and exited. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but his perseverance paid off. Amelia walked in quietly, having traded her luxuriant silk gown for some simple traveling clothes.

He'd heard that she did this. Posed as a commoner and visited the pubs to get a feel for how well the local lords and ladies treated their subjects, rectifying wrongs when she found them. It was not for nothing that she was well loved by her subjects.

He downed his drink and stood up, approaching the table she had claimed right as the waiter left. "Remember me?" he asked quietly.

She turned to consider him, looking slightly puzzled. "There's something familiar about you."

"I've changed a lot since we last met, many years ago." He said as he took a seat despite being uninvited, "It was right after she had destroyed Hellmaster."

Her blue eyes widened as she looked him up and down, her face breaking into a big smile, "Mr. Zelgadiss!" she exclaimed as the waiter returned and sat a drink on the table, "It has been awhile!"

"Decades."

"Yes! When did you find your cure?"

"A few months back."

"Wow, you look to be about my sons' age."

"I aged more slowly in that body." Zel explained.

"And I'm an old woman now." Amelia said wistfully. Indeed, it was common knowledge that she had just celebrated her fiftieth birthday.

He wanted to tell her that the years had been kind to her, that she looked younger than her fifty years, but after decades of feeling too disgusting to be loved he had forgotten how to flirt. Besides, she was a married woman.

"Have you heard from them, Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry?" Amelia asked, "There were some rumors that the Dark Lord was revived again and that Miss Lina had defeated him, back when we had all of those demon uprisings. But after that, nothing."

Zel was quiet for a moment, contemplating his answer. "About a month ago I was traveling through Zefelia. A young woman ran into me and nearly tore me a new one for getting in my way. She held herself up like Lina, but she looked just like Gourry. She disappeared into the Sorcerer's Guild.

"I almost followed her to ask her about her parentage," he continued as Amelia sipped her drink, "But it seemed like such a stretch. And if I was wrong, well, let's just say I would like to think she was theirs. That they raised a family there happily. So that's what I decided to believe."

"That's good to hear." Amelia responded with her own smile, "Especially after all that they went through."

He didn't have to ask her what she was thinking to know that she, too, was revisiting that time they traveled together. How, when they were unsure why Gaav wanted Lina dead, he would spend hours talking over the situation with Amelia, and what to do if Lina proved a danger to the world. The uncomfortable knowledge that they might have had to fight Lina and Gourry had caused them to forge a bond.

Then, when Gourry had been kidnapped, they faced an enemy together more frightening than Lina and Gourry combined, and they barely escaped with their lives. Yet he didn't fully realize the depth of their connection until after they had parted ways when Hellmaster was defeated.

"I worked with Sylphiel for years in the temple, until she went back to rebuild Sairaag." Amelia said, "Against all odds, it's thriving. We exchange letters regularly."

Zel had heard about Sairaag's remarkable restoration. He smiled slightly as Amelia continued, "It's strange, I only met her once or twice before Hellmaster was defeated, but as we were both heading back to Saillune together, she's the one I ended up staying in contact with."

"Life takes us unexpected places I guess." Zel said before commenting, "Being queen seems to suit you."

At that, her smiled dimmed and she sat her drink down, "Talk about unexpected places. I was never supposed to be queen."

"I thought of visiting you after your sister was assassinated, but it seemed better to stay away."

Amelia folded her arms across her chest and sighed. "I stopped believing in Justice for a while after that. My family had attracted so much grief and there was no Justice in her death. Even executing the assassin was meaningless."

"What changed?"

Amelia shifted awkwardly, "They tightened security after that. Reginald was my father's bodyguard. We started talking. He helped me see Justice in a new light."

Jealousy flared through him. Quietly he asked, "Are you happy with him?"

"Yes." She said firmly. Silence descended upon the table swiftly, and Zel started to feel as though visiting her had been a bad idea. He was about to get up when she grabbed his hand. When she spoke, it was with the same intensity that she used to reserve solely for her most impassioned of speeches. "Listen. You were my first love. It was with you that I fought against Zannafar. Back to back we defeated Mazokus together. And we stood against Hellmaster side by side."

He looked at her, finding himself enthralled yet again by the flame that burned brightly in her eyes as she spoke. And while he had met other women in his travels, and now that he was human again he would be able to meet new women and build a life with one, how could any woman compare to the Saillune princess he had met decades ago?

"No adventure I had with Reginald compares to what we went through together. We have a bond because of that, and I will always think fondly of you."

She smiled and let go of his hand. Instantly he missed her warmth. He had spent the past four decades avoiding the touch of another person, and now that he felt it against his newly restored skin he craved to feel more. "After I returned to Saillune, I kept hoping to run into you. I fantasized that you had found your cure and had decided to stop by to see me. I nursed the idea for years, until my sister was killed. Then I was too distraught to think about romance."

She turned to stare at the fireplace, "Reginald helped me through it, helped me to see Justice in a new light. But there were times when we were fighting or things were hard or I was just feeling wistful, and I would think of you and wonder how things would have worked out if only."

Zel stared down at the floor, feeling the weight of all he had been cheated out of press against his heart. "If only." He echoed.

She smiled, resuming the posture of one who had not just spilled her heart to another. "So, what are your plans now that you've found your cure?"

His heart raced. "I don't know. I've spent so much time looking for my cure that I never thought beyond that." Only he hadn't. He had always harbored the hope that once human he could have courted her. Even when she married Reginald he retained that hope. Assassinations were common in Saillune, and though it was horrible to wish death upon another person, he'd always seen himself as swooping in to pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

"Mostly I've been enjoying being able to walk openly in crowded cities without being stared at like a freak. Though, I guess there's this crazy part of me that thought of lending my services to Saillune." He said wryly. "But now I know I can't do that. I've spent so much of my life forsaking everything else for my cure that now that I have it I don't know what to do with my life. That said, what I cannot do is replace my search for my cure with pinning for a woman who is now forever out of my reach."

Amelia's breathing hitched and her eyelids started to flutter. "S-so where will you go?"

He thought for a moment, "Atlas City? I could sell my research to the guild for a lot of money, get some status there. Granted, now that I'm merely human again I'm not the sorcerer I once was."

"I wish you the best then."

He stood up and took a deep breath. Before he moved towards the door he knelt before her and grabbed her hands, "I'm glad you were able to find happiness, even if it wasn't with me. I would have preferred it that way, but since we couldn't have that, I'm glad you found it with someone else."

She brushed his soft hair from his eyes, "Thank you." She said, "And now I wish you that same happiness."

She reached down to squeeze his hands again, and all too soon he had to let go. With a deep breath he walked out the door, the cool night air bracing against his skin. He was surprised by the depth of emotion that meeting her again had torn open. He had thought he'd moved past her, that she had merely become a passing fantasy that entertained his thoughts from time to time. But seeing her again brought all the feelings he had for her to the surface, and it felt so strong as though it had been yesterday that Hellmaster had been defeated. For the first time since he was cured, he felt the familiar anger towards Rezo. If he had not cursed him with that body, he could have had what Reginald did with Amelia.

He chuckled as he walked down the path towards the inn. It had been so nice to live without that anger and loathing that he had forgotten how oppressive living under it had been. In an instant he realized he could continue to live with Rezo's ghost, or he could move forward. Living with a cursed body had physically held him back, but if he continued to cling to the hatred and resentment, then it would be his own mind that condemned him.

He exhaled, allowing the anger to leave his body. Amelia would not want him to live with that. So, even though he couldn't live with her, he would live happily.


End file.
